How to Stay Hitched

3 May

Follow these tips to stay married and this is how you’ll spend your golden years!

In March, we covered the topic, “How to Be Irresistible to Men”.  If you missed the post, it’s OK.  You can go back and read it here, and then catch up with us.

In the two months since last we talked about relationships with the opposite sex, I hope you were able to become irresistible to men.  If you successfully completed the program, you’re probably ready for the next step in your relationship, and that is marriage!  Brought to us by the same wise folks who gave us “Irresistible”, I bring you “The Ideal Bride”, more tips from those AOL Wolmen’s Health folks (link).   These are tips to help your marriage last, and not end in divorce…so heed the wisdom of these sages.

1. Go to college. The smarter you are the better chance that you won’t end up marrying an idiot because you’re be intelligent enough to tell the difference.  Actually, it’s because if you’re educated, you have less chances of fighting over money because you’re both rolling in dough.  According to the article, this decreases divorce by 13%.

2. Get really old and then get married. If you’re over the age of 25 when you say “I do” that chance of divorce decreases 24%.  That’s what I’m still single at 28…yeah.

3.  Be Daddy’s little girl. Having a Dad to chase off weird guys with shot guns prevents women from marrying unfitting spouses.  OK, so it’s the father/daughter bond thing….uh…the good news is that you can bond with your hubby’s father (hopefully his family isn’t as unstable as yours!)

4.  Get God. It seems that 19% of folks who share a religion don’t get divorced (probably because it’s taboo in some religions).  Or maybe, as I hope, I’m meet a guy who is passionately in love with God first and me second…a man with a Bible is so sexy (no, I’m not being sarcastic…for once!)

5. Be rich. Or at least upper middle class…folks who make $50,000 have a 34% chance of staying together because they aren’t constantly bickering about money.  Of course, that’s assuming they spend their money wisely.  Perhaps they just go on separate vacations a lot.

6.  Wait 7 months to procreate (or adopt).  Kids help solidify a marriage…ain’t that beautiful?  Personally, I’d like to start with a couple of dogs and see how that goes because I involve little humans.  Tiny humanoids add a whopping 24% chance you’ll stay together.

7.  “Marry a boy toy.” That is s direct quote from the piece.  Now I don’t know about you, but I think marrying the toys of boys is a little weird.  I mean, I’m sure a He-Man action figure would be faithful and all…it’s just not the relationship I see for myself.  Ok, so marrying a younger man (or an action figure) gives you a 5% chance of staying together forever and ever and ever.

If you add up all these percentages–13% for being college educated; 24% for being over 25; 19% for being religious, 34% for making over $50K, 24% for baby, and 5% for boy toy–that you have a 119% chance of staying married…go you!  You’re gonna make it!

OK, so what are my current odds of staying married once I become irresistible to the right guy?

13% for being college educated, 24% for being over 25, 19% for being religious, don’t make that much, I want to adopt a kid eventually or maybe I’ll just want dogs.  We could stay together for the dogs, dangit!  I’ll split the difference (12%), and heck, I’ll marry He-Man (5%).  My odds are 73% according to this highly reliable article.  Still pretty good though!

And that’s it…seven great tips from the female health experts at AOL.com  Now you know how to stay hitched once a guy finds you irresistible.  Hopefully, the experts will get us an article on how to spot Mr. Right so we know if we’re being irresistible to the wrong guys.  One can only hope.

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No Responses to “How to Stay Hitched”

  1. Andrew Wilhelm May 3, 2008 at 9:20 AM #

    Hey, 73% isn’t bad at all. I would still be leery of the boy toy, so I’m going to knock you down to 68%.

    Now that you’ve discovered how to be irresistible to a guy and stay married, we males need some guide book instruction. Where’s the part about how to be completely alluring to females?

  2. Amy May 3, 2008 at 9:22 AM #

    Dagnabit, Andy, I’ll have to write my own guide for guys later. It’ll be as helpful as these AOL ones…and a heck of a lot funnier (translation: it won’t be helpful at all, but it will make you laugh!)

  3. Gman May 3, 2008 at 3:12 PM #

    doggonit ….I think 6 is dumb. Wife and I waited a few years and knew we could. To stay together for the sake of the kids and later divorce had hurt some families growing up with seeing divorce, verbal abuse etc.

    Just my opinion. I think the main thing is it has to be Christ-centered. But nobody from a secular view pt wants my opinion though!

  4. Amy May 3, 2008 at 3:34 PM #

    Hey, I made my addendum to #4.

  5. mike golch May 3, 2008 at 4:51 PM #

    Celestine and I work together every day and that is how we have maintained our marriage.for the past 28 years.

  6. Amanda May 5, 2008 at 7:59 PM #

    ha! hilarious!

  7. Bob May 30, 2008 at 9:49 AM #

    You know one thing that will make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

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