I stared at the words as I moved my cursor on and off the cyber button that would forever erase Backseat Writer from existence. After losing the domain a few months ago due to an administrative error, which no one could fix, I decided to move all my writing to a new site, SheisBeloved.com.
Despite all the messages about the new blog with the old message, I still got comments and views on what was once Backseat Writer. It still had an impressive amount of page views, even after all this time.
But as I sat here, tears in my eyes, putting the final nail in its coffin and throwing dirt upon that coffin as it was lowered down into its grave seemed too much. At least too much for a Monday morning.
I clicked delete and was met with another message, “Are you sure you want to delete this?”
Yes, I was sure. I clicked “yes.”
The next message warned me to export all my old blog posts because I would be unable to recover them once the deed was done. I had already moved them.
It was the final message that made me pause longer than the rest. It told me that the blog would be permanently deleted, never to be resurrected, used, or remembered in cyberspace again.
Did I really want to do this? I wasn’t sure; I hit “yes” anyway.
And like that, it fully and completely vanished from existence, as though it never was and it never will be again. Admittedly, I’m choked up as I reminisce coming up with the name at Pizza Hut while having lunch with a friend. It took me hours upon hours of work whenever I changed the look of the site. All the artist interviews, book and music reviews, funny posts, random posts, photography, and vulnerable posts—they were moved, but they weren’t Backseat Writer anymore.
As it turns out, I am no longer a backseat writer. Since its inception, I have joined a church, run a women’s ministry, and am not singing on my church praise team and running a small group for teenage girls. I have lost 75 pounds, bought a house, and become someone entirely different.
I’m no longer searching for life; I am living it. I don’t have to try to figure out who I am; I am God’s beloved. Perhaps it’s a change from the passive to the active. Despite the devastation and death I felt when I lost Backseat Writer, I cannot help but imagine it may have been the best thing to ever happen to my writing future.
Welcome to the land of the Beloved, friends, where we will explore what it means to live a God-loved life, perhaps with music and book reviews, interviews, and humorous posts because, you know, with or without Backsaet Writer, I’m still me.