I was looking for something on Backseat Writer and was SHOCKED to discover that I haven’t posted anything since August 29! Now that Light for the Lost Boy album review was worth coming out of hiding to write. It’s not that I’ve been hiding; actually, I’ve been living.
Who know choosing “live” as my One Word for 2011 would spawn such an amazing new birth into a life with such meaning–meaning found in God alone. Can humans derive a greater pleasure than living a life yielded to God? I think not, for this is what we were created to do–to bring glory, praise, and honor to our Creator.
I know to those of you who don’t share my beliefs might thing that God is some sort of egomaniac–I mean, creating people to praise Him? Really? Really! I mean, this is God we’re talking about–the One who is, who was, and who is to come. He is so mind-blowingly awesome that I can’t think of a greater thing to do than to praise Him! I mean, people are speaking the praises of the iPad3 and that’s only a tablet; I’m talking about the Creator of all that is!
Lately, I feel defined by my church, probably because building a women’s ministry has been my full-time focus since June. There’s a bit of a deflate since the Woman At Work conference has come and gone (and immediately following the conference, we were hit by Superstorm Sandy and went without power for four days. It was a small thing compared to what people in New Jersey are still facing.) Even though there’s still much to work on, I wonder, who am I now?
Women’s ministry isn’t my job. I’m a writer and a non-blogging blogger. If I don’t blog, am I still a blogger? If my writing is internal dialogues with God, am I still a writer? When I turn off the lights at night and lie in bed listening to the sounds of the dark, who am I?
Who, exactly, am I?
This question led to the discovery of my identity crisis a year ago. I realized through Jason Gray’s “Remind Me Who I Am” I’d forgotten who I was created to be and how sick my soul had become. I lost my “joy” place because joy can be found in God alone. Now as I reflect on the past year, I can’t believe a one-day women’s conference was the unofficial celebration of my one-year anniversary at my church. (Yeah, I know how to throw good parties.) If you told me a year ago I would dedicate so much of my life to women’s ministry, I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. I love how God, too, has a great sense of humor and how our calling gives us greater meaning that we thought possible. I am more than I thought I could be because of God working in me.
I find it funny that I still wrestle with identity issues, though I am convinced this is a life-long battle. Maybe it’s every human’s battle because we so easily forget who we are. It’s like the man who doesn’t heed God’s truth and forgets what his face looks like after just glance in the mirror. (James 1:22-24)
Remind me who I am in You, God, remind me who I am when I look in the mirror of identity. Let my reflection say, “I am Yours.”
She is Beloved 