Oh, Kohl’s, how I adore thee! How I love your bargains, your “Night Owl/Early Bird” deals and the tantalizng deals on your website. I even appreciate your in-store music, which includes Owl City, Joshua Radin, and, uh, Justin Bieber (I’m sorry, tweenagers for thinking that “Baby, Baby” was sung by a chick. Kohl’s introduced me to the pubescent vocals of the Biebs).
Yes, Kohl’s is one of the only places I can find QUALITY clothes for big, beautiful woman and $45 pillows on sale for $14. Without a doubt, I’d have to say that Kohl’s is my favorite department store (especially because they don’t sell much fancy schmancy make-up and expensive designer fragrances. Sadly, there isn’t much nail polish either. But at least I don’t feel bad about what I can’t afford.) At Kohl’s, I find the same prices as Target, but with a higher quality accessory/home décor section. There are obvious differences between the two stores (like, for example, you can actually BUY Justin Bieber’s album at Target. Or more preferably Owl City!)
While stalking the Kohl’s website today after receiving an email about another BIG SALE (there’s always a sale at Kohl’s), I checked out the citrine stack rings. Again. A couple of months ago, I decided that my “aura” had a color and that color was a darkish yellowish orangey color. (And by aura, I’m not suggesting some bizarre metaphysical concept. To me, the concept of “aura” revolves around one’s personality and how he or she relates to the world, the “energy” thrown out into the world through interpersonal and social interactions. Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I think of my aura as the overflow of my heart…and how I show God to the world though my very existence.)The closest gemstone to my aura’s color seems to be citrine. I considered yellow diamonds, which are rare and precious, but the yellow was too light for the melancholy aspects of my personality. Fake yellow stones were too yellow and sparkly. And though I love moonstone, I’m not as milky and mysterious and blanched as the beautiful stone would suggest.
So citrine it is. Slightly moody, yet hopeful, a bit sparkly, without overwhelming. Sometimes it’s a dark orange, while other times a light yellow. I am a citrine, at least in appearance. I want to be a citrine—real and raw, shining with the love of God, but honest about my experiences with mental illness and other circumstances.
When I saw this citrine stack ring (picture above), I knew it was THE ONE for me. I like to carry little reminders with me about who I am and who God created me to be. I wear a Tree of Life necklace (this is actually the pin version of my pendant), a precious gift from BFF Sarah, that reminds me that I was not created to live here forever, and future glory is coming. I will eat from the Tree of Life and be awestruck by the light radiating from God’s throne.
I wear a friendship bracelet freely given to me in a special place and time. Threads of black, blue, yellow, red, white, and green remind not only of where I was when I received this gift, but also bring to mind those salvation bracelets I used to wear. Black, red, white, green, blue, yellow. My bracelet would be a sorry excuse for the salvation message, as the colors aren’t in the “proper order.” While there are various versions of the color order, my bracelet definitely is definitely disordered. Of course, the girl who gave me this gift was very confused about God, so I run my finger over the knotted threads and pray for her and all those like her. I ask God to help me be an encouragement to these hurting souls. I also remember how I hurt and how far God has brought me.
My mother gave me a butterfly ring to celebrate one year free from self-injury, how through the hurts God is twisting me, shaping me, molding me into a new creation. And it’s painful, but I am promised suffering in this world, yet God is always with me, that He will never leave me.
There are other symbols I hold dear—birds, for Emily Dickinson said that “hope is a thing with feathers.” I especially like hawks, silent sentries keeping tabs on the traffic as I go to and fro, I see hawks and remember that God is always watching me, that He nestles me protectively under His wings. I am deeply sentimental and like to keep these affirmations of God’s love (and the love of those who have given me these precious pieces) close to me. Each day, I choose my jewelry intentionally for what I need to remember or celebrate.
And that’s why I want a citrine ring—so that I can remember to “choose joy” and reflect my identity in God to all those around me. To continue to find strength in who God created me, to be reminded of who I am.
I know that seems like a tall order for a ring with intermingling citrine stones and silver studs, but it is only a token reminder of things to come. It is temporary and it will pass away. Yet a little glimmer of hope, a little flicker of beauty from my ring finger reminds me (and the world) Whose I am.
That makes a $50 ring priceless to me.
Do you wear or have anything (like a tattoo) that is special to you? If so, what is it and what does it meant to you? If you go along with my “aura theory,” then what color is your aura? Do you shop at Kohl’s? Where is your favorite place to shop?