On Wednesday, I accompanied my mom on a shopping excursion to the scourge of all giant retail chains–Wal-Mart. Not just any Wal-Mart, but a SUPER Wal-Mart (though it’s not the biggest, nor super-est Wal-Mart I’ve ever visited. It’s certainly the most unpleasant.) Since she’s developed an ulcer on the bottom of her foot, she has been forced to wear a boot which makes driving (and walking) difficult. While Mom loaded herself into a motorized cart, she gave me the task of following her with a shopping cart and dubbed me “Lady Amy, Keeper of the Cane.” (That’s a fancy way of saying, “My mom shoved her cane into the shopping cart and told me to push it.”)
Now, in general, it is hard to keep up with my mom in stores. She starts pushing her shopping cart haphazardly–rushing ahead one moment, stopping the next )without informing her fellow shoppers, who continue on). All this is made worse with an electric cart. My mom was flying through Wal-Mart like she would get a $10,000 prize for “Fastest Disabled Shopper in an Electric Cart.”
Forget trying to look at anything. It was a work-out trying to keep up with Speedy McSpeedster. So I lost my mom. Multiple times. I hate being alone in congested stores like Wal-Mart on busy afternoons, especially when I’m crabby because of the heat and humidity oppressing our region, the screaming kids running up and down and around the aisles, and the ever-changing product locations. Wal-Mart, would it really be too difficult to keep “Seasonal” items in the same place every time I shop at your store?
After yelling at some kids who were screaming like howler monkeys as they flicked each other with Martha Stewart brand towels, I sought refuge in the book and magazine section of the store. While perusing luscious literature, I discovered this hilarious product placement (see photo below.) Photo caption contest, anyone?
Finally, it was time to check out. Despite having 100 cashier counters, approximately five of them were open—four of which were for 20 items or less. Therefore, I instructed Mom to speed over to the self-check-out. We were about to do what I hated other people doing—buying a multitude of groceries at self-check-out. And I did it—only slightly shamed—and disrupting the system a total of seven times (the cashier didn’t even have to come over. She just pressed a button from her kiosk.)
I loaded Mom’s items in my vehicle, backed out of my space, and silently prayed I would make it out of the Wal-Mart parking lot without getting into an accident or hitting a pedestrian. The Wal-Mart parking lot is a Wild West of its very own, and I, friends, am not brave enough to pioneer it on a regular basis. Those are the sordid details of my grumpy Wal-Mart adventure—some of which I’m proud of (like telling those annoying kids to stop acting like howler monkeys) and some of which I’m not-so-proud (telling my mom to stop acting like a howler monkey.) All-in-all, I think I learned some valuable lessons here:
1. Electric riding carts should come with a GPS unit that allows daughters to keep track of their free-wheeling mothers.
2. When yelling at other people’s children, expect a confrontation with Momma Bear. Or in this case, “I-Don’t-Care” Momma.
Me: “Your kids are running around screaming. You need to some something.
IDC Momma: “So? They’re my kids. What does it matter to you?” Far off look, as though she sees pink bunnies hopping down the aisle.
Me: “It matters to me because they’re annoying me.” Walk away in a huff. Not the best exemplification of Christ.
3. There is a plentiful selection of Oreos available at Wal-Mart, including the much sought after Mint Oreos, which can be used to make this delicious recipe. My “Oreo Buddies” on Twitter will be overjoyed at this discovery.
4. It is less stressful to drive in New York City at rush hour on a Friday than it is to drive in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
5. Finally, Wal-Mart’s underwear prices really are unbeatable.
I hope that my story will help you have a more pleasurable Wal-Mart shopping experience. But I doubt it. You know what I don’t doubt? That you will enjoy the smattering of excitement awaiting you in some of the best stuff I found around the web this week…
*The brand new OWL CITY album is out! All Things Bright And Beautiful released June 14, but I purchased it on iTunes this week with a gift card. So far, “Alligator Sky” (without the rapper) is my fave song, but “Honey and the Bee” is flirting with my affections. Review forthcoming. If you’re an extreme Owl City fan, you might want to buy the album on iTunes for the bonus song, “How I Became the Sea” for $9.99. On Amazon, it’s $7.99 to download and $11.88 for a hard copy (plus shipping, of course). Plus, if you don’t have Owl City’s first album, Ocean Eyes, you can download it for $5.99 on Amazon. Ocean Eyes contains the hit song “Fireflies” and lots of other awesome. I highly recommend both albums.
*My friend, Shari, is doing a giveaway on her blog for a $20 gift code to DaySpring’s Online Store. You can read her story about how all things are possible and leave a comment to enter. Enter now because her giveaway ends TODAY!!! (My DaySpring review and giveaway is coming up on Monday.)
*Over at The High Calling, Gordon Atkinson wrote a beautiful post called “A Letter to My Doubting Daughter.” Sometimes I’m the doubting daughter and sometimes I’m a “father” who wants someone I love to understand and cling to my faith. Prepare to tear up. (Amy’s personal note: I think I find this so emotional because I wish my own father wrote a letter like this to me when I was wrestling with my doubts. I wish he wasn’t wrestling with his own doubts. Father/daughter situations always make me sad.)
*This is my dog, Maddy the Shih Tzu, attacking those airbags that cushion mail packages. She seems to think ripping them apart is hilarious. Now my friends and family are saving these little treasures so the world can have more videos like the one you see above starring Madddy with a special appearance by Cassie the Peekapoo, my hand, my voice, and Shari talking in the background.
*Shannon over at Books Devoured (yes, the same chick who made the Kindle vs. Nook Color video from last week) wrote a great post this week called “Burning the Pretty Candles.” She writes about how she saves eagerly anticipates book releases, buys books, but saves them for later. Oh, Shannon, I am the same way! There’s always another book to review or something to write and I find I’m not enjoying myself. I forget about the music I really want to listen to and the books I really want to read. It’s a great post, so check it out!
*Finally, I want to tell you about the exciting new ketchup packaging available at Chick-fil-a. Gone are the days where you have to squeeze your ketchup out of a little packet or pump it into a mini-cup. Now you can do both–dip or squeeze! Are these not the best ketchup packages available?! I just want to get an order of waffle fries so I can squeeze and dip to my little heart’s content.
Stop back next Friday when I disclose information about a top-secret project I’m working on called “Amymore.” It is going to be just like “Pottermore,” except completely different. I may or may not make this a video announcement, but if I do, I promise I’ll wear make-up and probably brush my hair (maybe even my teeth!) There you have it, I’m announcing my announcement.
Of course, I know that you’ll be back way before next Friday because I’m kicking off a special contest on Monday in conjunction with DaySpring and (in)courage to win $35 gift code to DaySpring’s online store. Next Friday is also the start of the Freedom Giveaway Hop, which runs from July 1-7 and I’ll be giving away something special. Trust me; you don’t want to miss it!
Now it’s your turn, answer one or all of the following questions–what are your shopping trips to Wal-Mart like? Did you check out the new Owl City album? Did you enter Shari’s giveaway? Are you gonna enter my giveaway? Do you put ketchup on your chicken sandwiches? Are you a squeezer or dipper when it comes to your waffle fries? What do you think about the launch of Amymore? Do you burn your pretty candles? Aren’t my dogs the cutest ever? What do you say to your doubting loved ones?
12 thoughts on “Friday Faves: I Survived My Wal-Mart Shopping Experience Edition”
Wal-mart is a crazy insane place! I totally hate going there! We have started shopping for groceries at the commissary on base because it is so much cheaper. Thanks for the shout out of my post. It was a lot of fun to write. I sat down today and really listed out all the books I have for review and it is a LOT so I have a feeling it will still be a while before I am able to get to any of those books I have been saving! Oh, well. I will have to try and make some time!
Girl, I totally enjoyed this post. Not only do I hate shopping, I hate all people when they misbehave in public. I will tell anyone to slow down, speed up, get off their cell phone, or keep an eye on their kids, if they are behaving bad enough!
To answer some of your question:
I rarely go to Wal-mart–I boycotted their store for most of my life, until I lost my job and discovered their exercise clothes were way cheaper than Meijer’s.
I burn my pretty candles like a crazy person, in fact, I just wrote a post about the Partylite candles I got to review/host a giveaway for on my blog.
Every dog is the cutest dog to me, so YES!
Wal-Mart sounds like a pretty chaotic place to be at! After reading the first few paragraphs about Wal-Mart, I’m not entirely sure I’ll visit it when I’m in the US. haha. But, the Oreos are pretty tempting. Talk about reprimanding kids, I have this special look I give to misbehaving kids in malls. I feel kinda bad afterwards, but really, I wish parents have more control over their kids.
No, I’ve not listened to Owl City’s latest album but I’m certainly going to. I like his music, it’s very fantasy-like.
I absolutely need chili when I eat, so dipping chicken sandwiches in ketchup? Yes. The ketchup packet sounds cool. I wish they have such things here.
Would I enter your giveaway? For sure, if it’s open internationally. 🙂
Your dogs are absolutely cute!
Thanks so taking your ol’ mom shopping!
I too have accompanied my motorized mother into the 23 Minutes–more like three hours–of hell that is Wal-Mart. I have been the Keeper of the Cane and the Getter of the Out of Reach Items. Sadly, I have also been the Mom who sees Far Away Pink Bunnies. Believe me, no matter how much my children are annoying you, they are annoying me exponentially more. The reason I look like a zombie from the freezer section is because I’ve been trying and failing to make them act like humans instead of howler monkeys for nine years now. I think we should blame Wal-Mart for all this. I think it brings out the the urge to leave the daughter in the dust in our moms and the need to act like monkeys in our children.
Great post and I loved the clip of Maddy!
oh man I can’t stand wal-mart. I do love bargains, but it seems like everything I buy at wal-mart breaks. I go once a year, and its usually because someone gives me a gift card at christmas.
Don’t I have the cutest grandpuppies!
Where you live depends on the quality of your WalMart; I live in Chicago-suburbia and avoid Walmart like the plague. Every time I go there, I get tricked for a milisecond that it’s not so bad, until I get to the check-out line. It may have 1 person in front and will take 27 minutes.
My sis-in-law moved south near Walmart’s headquarters and said it’s a different breed there. The stores are cleaner and more staff work the registers. They don’t have the competition of Target down there, so maybe the quality is better b/c Walmart is the only show in town.
ANYWAY. I’m enjoying your blog, and wanted to see if you have any suggestions of Christian fiction. I’m a Christian, but I’m a hard sell on anything Christian media (long story). I’ve read Francine Rivers’ “Redeeming Love” and enjoyed it. I don’t like overly sappy, cheesy stuff. I usually enjoy quirky, fun, clever. I know that’s vague. I tried to read a Left Behind book and got one chapter in; it was like Reader’s Digest level writing to me. I will read anything if it’s well written. If you have suggestions, I’d love to hear!
Wow, I can see I’m not alone in my feelings for Wal-Mart. Honestly, I do prefer Target, but sometimes you just gotta suck it up and go to Wal-Mart. There’s actually a Wal-Mart that’s 45 minutes away that is A-MA-ZING! It’s nice, clean, and friendly…and it has more stuff. It still has a CRAFT section. I think Walmarts that have craft sections are a cut above the rest, and not just because they cut fabric. Hardy har har.
Shannon, I want to shop at the commissary just to say I shop at the commissary.
TGFTG, I’m really sorry you lost your job. I hope you find work soon. Also, I know you love dogs, you have a cute one yourself. 🙂
Evangeline H., I’m not sure about this giveaway because it’s DaySpring. Check the site and let me know (or I’ll check the site and let you know.) But the giveaway on Friday IS international (The Book Depository option is in play), so if Book Depo ships to you, you’re in!
You’re welcome, Mom. You owe me. And don’t try to use that “I gave you life” argument.
Evangline D (isn’t it funny that there are two “Evangeline’s” posting comments?) I think you should make a documentary about how Wal-Mart makes kiddos nuts, if only to entertain me.
My comment con’t…
Charlie, I go for hygiene items, make up, and stuff like that. Usually they’re not that cheap! 🙂 Thanks for your comment and for having an awesome blog!
Stephanie, hopefully, some of the other readers can suggest some good fiction books to you. BFF Sarah and I really enjoy Jenny Jones’ adult novels–Just Between You and Me as well as Save the Date–she’s very funny. Sarah just finished WORDS by Ginny Yttrup and liked that. I have also enjoyed For Time and Eternity by Allison Pittman as well as The Almost True Story of Ryan Fischer by Rob Stennett. If you like light, quirky fantasy or unique books, The Rabbit Room (rabbitroom.com) has some great authors with an interesting blog including Andrew Peterson (Wingfeather Saga) and “Pete” Peterson (Finn series). Another fictional novel I like is Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis, though it’s not technically a “Christian” book. It plays off the Greek myth of Cupid and Psyche. It’s definitely one of my favorite books over all. I’m definitely not your typical Christian fiction reader–I like plot. Oooh, C.J. Darlington’s books are pretty good, but she is a tad bit preachy. Still, I think she’s a good writer to watch. (I’m going to email this to you, too. Just in case you don’t check back.)
Readers, what Christian fiction titles do you recommend?
Hey Amy, I checked and yes, DaySpring ships to certain international countries. There’s no express shipping, so delivery will take 4-8 weeks. http://store.dayspring.com/shipping.html
Walmart actually doesn’t bother me, as long as I’m not in a hurry.