It was not until “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” by Chicago started playing on the radio that I felt the darkness flooding my world start to lift. As I absently sang along on my drive home from Hobby Lobby, the words never seemed so clear. I wasn’t breaking up with a person; I was breaking up with my church.
And I confused that with breaking up with the Church and with God; neither of which I was kicking to the curb.
In case you’ve never heard Chicago’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” (Shame on you!), I’ve included an incredibly retro video here, which makes me laugh and sort of ruins the seriousness of this post::
“Hold me now, I really want to tell you I’m sorry, I can never let go…”
The lyrics rang through my head and I started crying. Not just because it’s hard to say “I’m sorry,” not because my now ex-church didn’t say “I’m sorry,” but because I felt God saying “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t sorry for something *He* did being flawless and perfect; He was sorry for what happened to me, for the pain I felt. I felt a gentle whisper in my soul, “It’s hard for them to say I’m sorry, but I’m so sorry. I feel your pain and I’m holding Your broken heart in My hands.”
“I couldn’t stand to be kept away, just for the day, from your body…”
Clearly, Peter Cetera and the gang had different intentions for this lyric, but I thought about the Body of Christ and how the Church has been supporting me during my recent disappointment with my break-up from church. And how the Church will support me as I seek out a new church home because God made it clear I should not stay.
It seems silly that a Chicago song could stir such revelation, such a knowing of God’s love, but then again, whenever I see a hawk, I also hear God whispering, “I love you. I see you.” Being the Lord of all creation, I suppose He has a right to communicate His message however He sees fit—through the Bible or from an 80’s song about how it’s hard to apologize.