It’s a question I’ve been asked by many. Here is a brief and truthful answer. I am sorry it is not as complete as I would like.
The day my mom came to her senses, I thought I would feel good. Finally, the abuse I suffered at the hands of her husband, my stepfather, would come to light and I would feel justified. However, when the events did come to light, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. And then I thought I would never stop crying. This is how the story begins.
I never liked the man my mom married, yet some part of me held onto the hope that he would become the father figure I so desperately need. He never did. Instead, he used his power to manipulate, destroy, and break apart my family, particularly my relationship with my mom. While I don’t want to delve into specifics, let me just say this—my step dad is a violent and abusive man.
The break-down of my mom’s marriage started in March, while my family was undergoing other trials, including bad news about various health conditions. After years of abuse and much prayer, my mom left her husband in April and has been staying at my apartment with my roommate and me. She will move into her own apartment later this month.
Because I’m an only child, I made the decision to assist my mom during her difficult time as we dealt with harassment from my mom’s husband and his family, lawyer visits, late night talks, and feelings of hopelessness. Yet through it all, God was strong when we felt weak. Still, the sting of divorce is felt by all, even by the parties who are not divorcing.
I never said goodbye to my 3 year-old step niece, who was the sunshine of my life. I thank God for the time I spent with her. I am now unable to walk through the children’s clothing department at Target without starting to cry. It is a difficult journey indeed.
The stress of it all—adding another person and a dog temporarily to my two bedroom apartment—has taken its toll on me physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I am used to quiet—not the background noise from a TV that never seems to turn off. My nerves are shot, causing me to be depressed, anxious, and unable to focus. Of course, all that compounded with medical conditions already present cause malaise and physical pain.
Fortunately, things are looking up as the divorce moves forward, the property settlement has been signed, and my mom is preparing to move into her new apartment. We have all been able to find God’s peace, despite the madness. I have been told that what I am feeling about everything is normal.
So, dear friends, this is an incredibly abbreviated version of why Backseat Writer has been put on hiatus. As the middle of June approaches, I hope to continue to provide amazing articles and insights for you all. Today I just wanted to let you glimpse into my current reality. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement.