It’s no secret; I’m turning 29 on Monday. But what makes this a confession is how I feel about it–and I’m taking it hard. I wish I was one of those girls who could smile and say, “Well, hey, at least I’m in my 20’s one more year.” However, I’m much more erratic in my response, which is more like, “Omigosh! I’m going to be 30 in a year and I don’t have a husband or kids yet!”
I know marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be—it’s hard work. I just always thought I would be married by the time I turned 29, so I wouldn’t have to worry about being 30 and single. True, I could meet a fabulous gentleman in the next year, have a whirlwind romance, and a quickie marriage, but I’m not even sure I want that. I don’t want to be married by 30 just to be married by 30; I want an amazing marriage to a guy who beckons me closer to God.
Being single at 29 isn’t the only thing on my mind. When I imagined what my life would look like, I didn’t imagine this. I didn’t imagine struggling with depression/anxiety or worrying about finances or wondering if God still listens to my small voice. I thought I would be strong, confident, with enough money and enough faith to sustain my life.
Plus, I wonder am I old or young? Like is it still OK for me to play Guitar Hero or should I move on to only Scrabble? (Or what if I play Scrabble on a Nintendo Wii—is that acceptable?) Do I have to dress differently once I turn 30? What about how I need to act—does that change? Is there something I need to do during the next year to prepare for 30? I feel like there’s some big cosmic secret the 30-something’s are hiding from me, and I don’t know what it is.
I know that people will tell me that turning 29 (and 30) isn’t that big of a deal; it’s just another milestone in this journey called life. Yet it feels like a really big deal because it reminds me of everything I haven’t accomplished—things I can’t just go out and do! I’m reminded of what I’m not and what I still want to be. What happened to all those years when I could have done something? Or did I just do the best I could at the time?
The funny thing is that raking up another year isn’t that big of a deal. Time is all relative and God is beyond time. My mother told me that God doesn’t care if I’m 15 or 29 or 52; He’ll use me at any age. And thinking about it, Jesus didn’t even start His earthly ministry until He was around 30 (and He never got married!) See, I’m just trying to be like Jesus…literally.
I’ll get through my birthday and it’ll be oodles of celebratory fun. I’ll still be the same woman I am today at 28 than I will be on Monday when I turn 29. And really, age is just a number, right? Right. Just bear with me if I keep turning 29 for the next 5 birthdays or so; I’m not sure I can handle 30…yet. Then again, I don’t have to because I’m only turning 29. Yay for me! I’m still in my 20’s!