Stalked By Celery

Right now, I’m munching on celery.  Mostly because I’m hungry and it’s a negative calorie food.  Yup, it takes more energy to consume and digest than the empty calories contained in the stalk.  You’d think we weight-conscious Americans would be downing the vegetable by the bagful.  You would think, wouldn’t you?

However, there’s a problem with celery—it’s unpleasant.  It doesn’t taste great, it’s stringy tentacles get stuck in my teeth, and it’s texture is bizarre.  In fact, the only way I can scarf the stuff down is by putting peanut butter on it or dipping it in salad dressing, thereby making a negative calorie food a positive calorie food.  Leave it to me to take something healthy and turn it on its head.

Of course, it’s not as bad as the vanilla yogurt we have in the fridge, which has Butterfinger crumbs in a special container on the lid.  Ooooh, crunchy!  Nothing like adding a smashed-up candy bar to bland ol’ yogurt for a boost.

So I’m trying to add more fruits and vegetables and other healthy adult foods to my diet, but it’s hard.  Actually, fruits aren’t a problem.  I love fruit—of all types.  I could land on a desert island, eat fruit all my days, and be a happy girl.  Of course, my blood sugar would shoot way up and I’d go into a diabetic coma, so my days, though happy, would be numbered.  Plus, it’s time to act grown up and eat like an adult.

Buuuuut, I just don’t like vegetables.  Some vegetables are both raw and cooked like carrots and mushrooms (which is technically fungus).  Other vegetables like corn and broccoli taste better when cooked.  But when vegetables aren’t cooked correctly (too hard or too soft), they’re gross.  Plus, apparently we’re cooking half the nutrients right out of ‘em.

Salad.  Salad’s a good choice, right?  Leafy greens, carrots, mushrooms, those little mini-corn cob things that I don’t eat but look really cute, cheese, ham cubes, bacon bits, some diced eggs, and lots of salad dressing.  Lots.  Because low-cal and fat-free salad dressing is gross.  And those leafy greens can be better tasting, so best to stick with some safe Romaine and iceberg lettuce.  Now my chef salad has become a messy clump of supposedly healthy fat.  Good grief!  I might as well get a Big Mac at McDonald’s and save myself the misery.

I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to keep trying to eat better because I want to be feel good about myself and more importantly, live a healthy lifestyle.  I have to admit that changing my life for the better this past month has been exhausting, and yet I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.  I feel better about myself and I’m more connected with others and with God.  I’m still a work in progress (like always until the day I die), but at least I am making progress with my work.  Look at that, my celery is finished.  I guess it wasn’t so bad.  Sigh.  I wonder if we have any carrots.

0 thoughts on “Stalked By Celery

  1. My roommate Inga told me about your blog, so I’m popping in to say HELLO!

    I like this post. I began my “I better start trying again to take better care of my body” journey in November, and it’s slow-going, but I agree things like that are totally worth it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on veggies–it was good timing, because I’ve been really battling with them the past couple of days specifically. Funny.

    1. Thanks for popping in to say hello, Nameless Friend of Inga! 🙂

      I feel encouraged that someone else is on the journey, too. And if you’re Inga’s roommate, that must mean you live in the Lehigh Valley, too. We can hang out and chuck celery stalks at skinny joggers….just kidding. 🙂

  2. I really liked this post 🙂 It had that “Amy ring” to it, and it was just plain fun to read. I’m glad you’re on a journey to a better you and I hope God works through you in new and wonderful ways!

  3. It IS hard to start eating healthier. I remember when I decided I was not going to drink regular soda anyone but was going to switch to diet (ok, i know diet soda is bad, too, but at least there are no calories). It took FOREVER for me to actually like drinking diet and then suddenly it got easier. Then it was second nature for me to order diet instead of regular. I still prefer the taste of a coke over diet coke, but my brain has been “reset” sort to speak to look at diet soda as better. Anyway… It takes times to adjust to eating better, but eventually you will conquer it and be able to make healthier choices without thinking too hard. Just start out small and don’t get discouraged!

  4. I agree on celery. There are other foods on the negative calorie food list that I like a lot more, but those seem to be the ones that others argue about. Carrots are at least a little better. Good luck on the eating better – I’m fighting through the same thing and it’s definitely a slow process.

  5. We at the League for the Suppression of Celery beg you to put down the celery stalk and RUN RUN RUN. Little are you aware of the dangers of this agricultural abomination.

    You can fully educate yourself on these matters at our web site. In the meantime, throw that celery out the nearest window (or better yet down the garbage disposal so some innocent child or homeless person does not happen on it by accident).

    Oh, and eat more cauliflower.

  6. OK, I don’t even know how to describe how awesome the League for the Suppression of Celery is…I check out their site, and it’s wonderful. You’re going in my links!

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