Crapland New Forest = World’s Worst Amusement Park

5 Dec

Even though I was at Disney World a month ago, I’m not really a theme park kind of girl.  I don’t like crowds, yelling, screaming, running, crowds, and lastly, crowds.  Plus, paying $5 for a cup of tap water is a little extreme.  Fortunately, Disney World is a magical place that’s not so crowded the first week of November.  However, there’s a little crap hole in England that just opened known as Lapland New Forest, which is a “Winter Wonderland” that is not wonderful or magical.  Heck, there’s not even any snow.  And the SPCA (or England’s version of it) has been called about the poor conditions the huskies and reindeer are forced to endure.

One article says that visitors were greeted with a woman shrieking, “Santa’s dead!” and another article (which contains some great photos of Lapland) states that the one lady paid several thousand dollars for her social club to attend this “park”.  Perhaps the best part of the whole travesty is this quote from a UK publication called Times Online:

Visitors complained that the site, which boasted an ice rink, a snowy “tunnel of light” a nativity and Santa’s grotto as well as animal attractions, was little more than a mud-covered carpark. The ice rink had melted because of a broken generator, the “tunnel” was a few Christmas trees sprayed with artificial snow, and the “nativity scene” was a badly painted billboard.

Bored huskies trying to escape the fake snow.

Bored huskies trying to escape the fake snow.

And what happened to Santa?  According to the Times Online, Santa and his elves claimed they were beaten up after an angry confrontation with some parents.   Seriously (read the article).  But it only gets worse (and funnier).  Due to all the negative press owner Henry Mears chose to close Lapland New Forest saying, “This is due to intentional organised crowd manipulation and event sabotage during and since our first trading weekend.”  To read more of Mears’ funny statement, check out that Times Online piece–it’s hilarious.

Not only do I find the blatant animal abuse upsetting, but also the fact that people paid money to see this poor excuse for an entertainment rip-off.   Incidentally, these were families who purchased tickets to Lapland New Forest ahead of the opening.  Of course, I would have bought a ticket to see if it really was *that* terrible…and then I would have blogged about it.  Fortunately, I can blog about it anyway because it’s so bad, it’s all over the news.

This is what I’m thinking–Mears and the rest of the Lapland gang should give all their disgruntled customers an all-expensive paid trip to a real amusement park.  That’s right, I’m talking Disney World…because despite what Lapland’s tag line says, Disney World is where your dreams really do come true (if you’re five).

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No Responses to “Crapland New Forest = World’s Worst Amusement Park”

  1. santa claus December 8, 2008 at 7:16 AM #

    this is a compleate rip of ur all wastemen the elves look like oli firth and ive just wated £25 quid on fake snow wheni could of got an 8th !!!!!!!

  2. whizkidforte December 14, 2008 at 5:54 PM #

    I live in Florida (near Tampa), where I’m within an hour radius of all the bustle and fun of the attractions that the state has to offer (including the theme parks in the central region, Orlando inclusive), but the Walt Disney World Resort’s own quartet (Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Disney’s Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, and my personal favorite, Epcot) beats them all! I recently went to DHS and Epcot a week ago (with a seasonal pass) and fortunately, I didn’t vacation in that piece of England (Crapland New Forest – sic!). I don’t think it’s worth the $45 (the cost of a ticket)to see a nativity scene depicted as a badly-painted billboard mural.

    I certainly agree with you that if the disgruntled, fraud-stricken patrons want a real theme park Christmas, they should head to the Walt Disney World Resort. They may pay nearly 50 pounds, 20 more than the individual admission price (the cost of a gate admission is $75, mind you), but at least it’s worth the money to see quality employees in themed costume, even in guises of their characters of preference. (I love them to bits!) The park of suggestion would be Epcot, which is the least PC of all four. (Check out the Candlelight Processional – it has a celebrity telling the miracle of Jesus’ birth – with massed choir and orchestra!)

    In the crestfallen customers’ terms, I’d also suggest to them Disneyland Paris, which can be reached by TGV train. The admission is 35 pounds, but the money is worth the open rides, meetable Disney Characters, high-end entertainment, and of course, desired visits from Father Christmas! Anything high-end beats Lapland New Forest!

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