The Seaside Park Beach Patrol Is Looking Out For You

the beach patrol is gonna haul you away on a bike!
Bad guys beware :: the beach patrol is gonna haul you away on a bike!

Everyone can stop wondering if I was eaten by a bear or drowned in the ocean, I am alive and kicking, thought a little more tired and sunburned than before. Here are some of my initial trip observations:

1. My God, how can we not see the beauty You have created all around us? And then You wow us with Your oceans and forests, which are beautifully fallen? Praise God for His Works are wonderful.

2. Camping and beaching in the same 36 hour trip = bad idea. When we go to the beach with our two beach bumming friends, Sandy and Shari, it’s a major production which includes a rolling cooler, 2 beach chairs, an umbrella, about four beach bags o’ stuff, and whatever we forgot in the car. Sarah and I each have a beach bag and a chair. Yeah. So dragging all this stuff through the sand, setting up beach spot, and guarding our food from the scavenger sea gulls is a bit exhausting. Then we also have to drag it off the beach. Ugh.

Add that in with setting up a campsite with four crappy sunburned girls who just want to relax, and well, disaster strikes. Actually, it wasn’t that bad, for me at least. But we have all agreed that camping and beaching shall remind separate, unless we can camp on the beach.

3. When the bathrooms are far away from the campsite and it’s dark, a woman is no less a lady if she pees in the woods.

4. You’re never too old to play in the sad or throw iced tea mix into the bonfire.

5. Innovation is the key to camping–more on Shari’s unique coffee-making and my ghetto candle stands I crafted out of Diet Coke cans.

But first I want to tell you all about the Seaside Park Beach Patrol, or as I like to call them the SPBP. These

Beach Patrol Man Bob is looking for evil doers.
Beach Patrol Man "Bob" prowls the beach looking for evil doers.

fine individuals prowl up and down the beaches to make sure that you and your family can be safe from the dangers that are lurking on the beach. I encountered on beach patrol man doing the rounds while I watched from Funtown Pier’s “Observation Area”.

At first it seemed like all was fun in games as kids played innocently in the gentle waves. Two teenage boys ripped off their shirts and romped into the ocean. Although one stupidly took the money out of his pocket, folded it in half and place it in his cell phone, which he left on the beach (stupid, stupid!) Then Beach Patrol “Bob” (not his real name) wandered into town and that changed just about everything. This day at the beach was going to be a little different.

With a mighty blow into his whistle, Beach Patrol Bob commands the throngs.
With a mighty blow into his whistle, Beach Patrol Bob commands the throngs.

With one blow from Bob’s mighty whistle he ordered people out of the water, urging them to swim in areas where they could be more closely observed by lifeguards. When people ignored his warnings, Bob only blew his whistle harder, which commanded respect. And with a friendly wave of his hand, Bob leads the people he has sworn to protect to safety because Bob is the beach patrol and has the whistle to prove it.

After Beach Patrol Bob moved on, the swimmers eventually moved back into the “no-swim zone”. If only Beach Patrol Bob knew, I’m sure his heart would have been broken. I mean, the guy only wants to keep the beach safe and get his $9 an hour.

While waiting for Shari and Sandy as they took a look around

Beach Patrol Bob points the way to safety.
Beach Patrol Bob points the way to safety.

“surfer beach,” Sarah and I relaxed on the boardwalk (or rather gathered strength to make the rest of the 1.5 mile trek back to the vehicle). Just as I was about to moan about the my newly acquired sunburn, a weird vehicle stopped in front of us. It was a golf cart with a rescue/surf board trolley attached to it. Out of the driver’s seat stepped a shirtless man who–I won’t deny it–was easy on the eyes. He offered us a cheery hello as he loaded a rescue board onto the trolley. Sunburned, lacking sleep and make-up, sweat dripping down my face, and all, I started flirting. I made merry conversation with the beach patrol higher up and gave him my business card so he could check out my blog (I wonder if he will!) He moved on, and when Shari and Sandy returned, so did we.

But we returned to Shari’s SUV, a little redder, tireder, dehydrated, and crankier than ever before with only the memories of the Beach Patrol to sustain us as we traveled back to Pennsylvania, which has no beaches or beach patrols whatsoever.

Here’s what’s coming up this week (yes, a whole week of posts about camping and the beach…aren’t you lucky?)

*Strange things you can find around beaches like T-Rex’s, killer seagulls, and butt wings.

*How to make camp coffee the “old-fashioned way”.

*Fire & light show (very exciting!)

*And, of course, all the odds and ends I couldn’t find anywhere else.

It should be a ring-ding of a week around here, and it’s all thanks to a couple of days away. 🙂

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