Twitter-Mania

When I first heard about Twitter, I was intrigued…mostly because “Twitter” is a fun word. It sounds like some sort of cross between a licorice candy (Twizzler) and an idiot (twit), but it’s not. It’s a real-time social network that allows you to update your friends and family about the happenings in your life via text messages sent from your phone to your blog, Facebook, RSS Feed, and random other devices which can translate what you’re doing to the world.

I have a Twitter account, but I don’t update it…ever. Besides being a fun word, I fancied Twitter because I liked the little bird in the logo. I also thought, “Hey, I’m never up on cool technology. By golly, I’m going to be on the cutting edge of cool!” Unfortunately, my twittering has all but fallen by the wayside, so here are a few of the reasons I don’t Twitter (yet)…

1. I don’t have a text messaging plan on my phone. It costs me 10 cents to receive those silly messages you’re sending me, guys! Of course, if they’re prayer requests or encouragements or randomly amusing, you know I don’t mind. However, it would also cost me 10 cents ever single time I wanted to update you about my day…and that would be a little pricey after a while.
2. I have a lame phone that makes texting difficult, so there’s no point in adding a texting plan. If I had a phone that made texting fun, I just might add a texting plan and even Twitter! Plus adding a texting plan woudl add a hefty $20 to my cell phone bill. Ouch!

3. I’m not sure I want you to know all the random details of my life. I mean, how intimate are we going to get? Should I Twitter from the ladies room? There are real ethical questions that need to be answered on Twitter etiquette.

4. I’m not sure I want to know all the random details of your life. You know I love you, but I’m not sure I care about what you’re doing all day like shopping for CDs, grocery shopping, playing with a monkey (actually I might want to know about that) and so on. I can check out your AIM and Facebook status messages…but yet another social network…really?

5. I’m not that cool, savvy, or sophisticated. As evidenced by my lame cell phone and lack of texting plan, I’m a total poser. Any of you who think I’m cool are completely mistaken. I’m actually a nerd. I like listening to Barry Manilow, reading memoirs, and enjoy watching Neil Cavuto’s business show on “Fox News”. There, now it’s all out in the open. I mean, those aren’t the things that completely define me either, but they definitely took your opinion of me down a notch, didn’t they?

One day when I get a cool phone and texting, perhaps I will Twitter. If (or when) I do, I sure hope you’ll follow me on my random adventures throughout the day, which may be as follows:

10 AM: “Dragged my lazy butt out of bed.”

11 AM: “Finally got dressed. Man, I need to do laundry.”

12 PM: “Checked e-mail. I guess I should write back to all these people, eh?”

1 PM: “Sarah called. I wish she wasn’t at work and we could do something fun.”

2 PM: “I want to eat Cap’n Crunch.” (or “I went to the pool, which would disregard all Twitter chat until 5 PM).

2:30 PM: “I ate Cap’n Crunch. Do you think the good captain is single?”

3 PM: “Took the dogs for a walk. Cassie did a #1 and a #2. Maddy only did #1. Maddy tried to play with Cassie and it was annoying. Everyone got treats when we came in.”

3:30 PM: “I wish I hadn’t eaten all the Cap’n Crunch.”

3:45 PM: “Maddy got the Cap’n Crunch box out of the trash and is dragging it around the house. I need to take a picture!”

4:00 PM: “Maddy killed Cap’n Crunch. Silly dog.”

4:30 PM: “I guess I should write an article or something.”

5:00 PM: “Crap. Sarah’s home and all I’ve done all day is write some e-mails and Twitter. I hope she doesn’t read this.”

5:30 PM: “Blogging. Sarah thinks I’m ‘working’. HAHAHA!”

6:30 PM: “Ate dinner. It was not Cap’n Crunch. Darn.”

8 PM: “Playing Guitar Hero. I nailed Pearl Jam’s ‘Evenflow’.”

9 PM: “Still playing Guitar Hero.”

9:15: “Man, Sarah’s ‘turn’ is really long.”

9:30: “Finally! I can play ‘American Idol: Encore’.”

10 PM: “Sarah told me I was singing too loudly. I think she’s just jealous I can outsing her on ‘How to Save a Life’ and ‘Heart of Glass.'”

11 PM: “More Guitar Hero. I wonder if our life revolves around our PS2.”

11:30 PM: “Sarah went to bed. Back to writing and transcribing.”

12:30 PM: “Writing and chatting. I’m sort of hungry for Cap’n Crunch again.”

12:45 PM: “I wonder if we have any pretzels.”

1 AM: “We do.”

1:30 AM: “Why am I still up? Maybe I drank too much Diet Coke today.”

2:00 AM: “Going to bed. Good night, moon. Good night, stars. Good night, computer. Good night, Twitter. Good night, friends.”

Oh, the thrill that awaits an eager audience when I start Twittering hardcore. Can you feel the excitement? I could even start my own Twitter blog.