Helping Guy Meet Girl, Part 1

Spring is in the air, and you know what that means?  More roadkill!  Deer, birds, rabbits, and other creatures are so twitterpated that they’re ignorant of things like roads and vehicles.  Blinded by their instinct to mate, our animal friends leap to and fro ignoring their surroundings…and end up dead…on the side of the road.

Such is the case with many guys who don’t know how to treat a lady right.  After a date or two (if it even gets that far), they become romantic roadkill.  The stench of their dating defeats is strong.  So, guys, I don’t want to leave you in the dark on dating, I’m here to help you meet the woman of your dreams.  And I’m making it all up myself.  Yeah, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Step #1 Get a date. Times are a’changin’, but from where I’m sitting the guys are still responsible for doing the asking.  Every woman knows you’re scared to ask her out–do it anyway.  She’ll admire your courage and might give you a pity date even if she’s not at all interested.  It’s really much harder for girls who have to sit around looking beautiful all the time waiting for guys to make the first move.  A lady doesn’t want to read romance novels; she wants to live in one (minus the raunchy stuff.)

Step #2 Go on the first date; bring flowers. Many people falsely think that a bad first date can make or break a relationship.  So not true.  Awkward first dates are the hallmark of fun, especially when you can look back as a couple years later and laugh about it.  When you try to show the other person the “best side” of you, instead of the real you, what can you expect but a bunch of blunders and laughs?

Guys, don’t be cheap.  She’s not a primadonna or anything, but she does want to know that you care.  Bringing a bouquet of flowers, even if you picked them yourself (especially if you picked them yourself) or some other sort of amusing/thoughtful trinket is appreciated.   Flowers make her feel beautiful and that is a big struggle for women.

Don’t forget to tell your date how amazing she looks, even if she looks horrible.  If you really can’t think of anything nice to say about her appearance, say something like, “It’s really nice to see you tonight.”  That’s true, right?  You did ask her out so I hope you’re happy to see her.

Step #3 The Big Goodnight. Unless the date was terrible and you are thinking about moving into another zip code to get away from this siren, go for a hand kiss.  It makes a girl feel like a lady.  You respected her purity and showed interest.  It is a polite gesture that has all but disappeared from our society (except in nursing homes when young ladies get hit on by old men–that’s a another story for a another day).

Step #4 Call her, dangit! Look, there are all sorts of “time lines” for calling your date.  Just do it.  If you think she’s sitting by the phone waiting for your call, she’s not.  She’s out with her cell phone waiting for your call.  Don’t play stupid games.  If you like her, ask her out again.  If you’re not interested in going out with her again, make that clear during “The Big Goodnight” or on the follow-up call.

Step #5 Go on a second date and so on and so forth. This is fairly self-explanatory.  If a break-up should occur, mend your wounds and then head back to Step #1 when you’re ready.  Make sure you’re ready.  Your new date doesn’t want to be regaled with tales of your ex-girlfriend.

Step #6 Propose. On bended knee–don’t be lazy.

Step #7 Get Married.

That’s the basic outline of meeting girl-marriage.  Follow it; live it; use it or end up roadkill.

In Part 2 of “Helping Guy Meet Girl”, we’ll take an in-depth look at how to talk to girls and striking up that all-important first conversation.