Kick Me Signs

30 Mar

I wonder if I’m wandering through life with a giant “kick me” sign, visible to the rest of the world but invisible to me. It’s been that kind of week, and it’s been topped off with a cherry of a family problem.

I feel like heading over to Amazon.com to buy multiple copies of Cloud and Townsend’s BOUNDARIES books. Unfortunately, I don’t have the power to change others, only myself, and how I deal with situations. Sometimes it’s hard enough to deal with me, much less the drama of others–at least those who thrust their drama upon me. Those who quietly seek assistance are always welcome. Besides, it seems like those closest to me are the ones who rip me up the most.

I keep thinking that I must be doing something terribly wrong because chaos encircles me like vultures searching for roadkill. I do my best to pray, read my Bible, and hide His Word in my heart–and I know that these disciplines are the only things that keep me somewhat sane in an otherwise maddening world. I know the gentle hope of God is my strength…I know all these things. Yet in my darkest moments, I wonder–why all the pain?

True, pain is a conduit for God to mold and shape His creation. Yet for some it’s an endless barrage of battles, misunderstandings, and baggage. When is enough actually enough? Is life just surviving through the next big thing, or do we actually find joy in the journey?

I don’t remember much about the movie Angels in the Outfield, but I can clearly recall this line (probably because it was in all the movie ads)–“You can’t go through life thinking that everyone you meet will one day let you down.” But everyone you meet will probably let you down…it’s just how far they let you fall and if they kick you when you’re down. It’s the kicking you when you’re down part I find hard to fathom.

This is a big ramble of raw emotion–hurt and anger–that I’m throwing out in cyberspace to achieve some sort of catharsis. Some may question the wisdom of that, but I realize the wisdom is in the questions, and even more in finding hope in the answers. We all wrestle with these things, and instead of pretending we don’t, I just want to be honest with people…because I know I certainly don’t wrestle alone.

Maybe to live is to wear a “kick me” sign. Jesus did say that in this world we would have much trouble and even His family didn’t understand His purpose. I guess Jesus wore just about the biggest “kick me” sign in the world when He died on the cross for our sins. So, how can we expect any less? It’s a good thing that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, because even so, it’s terribly hard to bear.

Advertisements

No Responses to “Kick Me Signs”

  1. alyssa March 30, 2008 at 7:06 AM #

    Thanks for your honesty!
    Struggles and pain are something we must all learn to “deal with.” But how?
    The words from a Chris Tomlin song come to mind–Your Grace is Enough. We will wrestle. We will suffer. We will not always understand why. Even when the storms of life feel as if they engulf us, He has promised that His grace will be enough.

  2. alyssa March 30, 2008 at 7:06 AM #

    Thanks for your honesty!
    Struggles and pain are something we must all learn to “deal with.” But how?
    The words from a Chris Tomlin song come to mind–Your Grace is Enough. We will wrestle. We will suffer. We will not always understand why. Even when the storms of life feel as if they engulf us, He has promised that His grace will be enough.

  3. michaelgolch March 30, 2008 at 10:06 PM #

    AMY,is sounds like you need to barrow my serenity prayer.come on over and take a copy of it for your self.Hugs and Blessings your way.Just remember what does not kill ya makes you stronger.

  4. michaelgolch March 30, 2008 at 10:06 PM #

    AMY,is sounds like you need to barrow my serenity prayer.come on over and take a copy of it for your self.Hugs and Blessings your way.Just remember what does not kill ya makes you stronger.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: