I Wish I Was Beautiful

I wish I was beautiful. Breathtaking, traffic stopping, can-I-buy-you-a-drink beautiful. Not that I really go to bars and get drinks, but sending over a Diet Coke in a friendly dining establishment would work, too.

I’m not hideous or anything. I’m just, you know, me–freckles, flaws and all. The last time I stopped traffic, it was because I was crossing the street when the “Do Not Walk” sign was flashing (almost got run over, too) and the last time anyone honked at me was because I didn’t make a right turn on red due to the “Do Not Turn On Red” sign plastered to the traffic pole.

I may have felt beautiful once or twice. I definitely felt gorgeous when I want to the Winter Semi-Formal Dance my junior year in college. I had a great date, who bought me a beautiful wrist corsage, drove me in his BMW, and treated me like a lady. I asked him to go with me as a friend since I went to an all-women’s college. I mean, I could have waited for one of my classmates to ask me, but I don’t swing that way, though many of them did. It definitely freaked out my date to see girls dancing with girls cheek-to-cheek.

Sometimes I look back at pictures where I think I should have felt beautiful, and I just didn’t. A couple of times, I look at a picture of myself, usually one that’s not posed and unexpected and I think, just maybe, I’m beautiful. Or at least I can flicker within moments of beauty if the light hits me just right.

I’m trying to get over myself. I mean, does it really matter? I’ve listened to “Piece of Glass” by Caedmon’s Call (“Who are you that lies when you stare at my face, Telling me that I’m just a trace, Of the person I once was, Are you telling the truth or a lie, On you I just can’t rely, After all you’re just a piece of glass”) and “Beautiful You” (Beautiful you, all of the time, Jesus in you makes you shine, Beautiful You, Beautiful You) by Considering Lily so much, I could do a mean karaoke version of those tunes should the occasion ever arise. I’ve read Captivating, Falling In Love with Jesus, and a slew of other books that talk about biblical femininity and beauty, and yet I sigh when I look at the pictures of the authors on their bio page. They’re all beautiful.

Someone once told me that a woman at peace with herself is truly beautiful. My friend, Shannon, is like that. In her 50’s, she has piercing blue eyes, long flowing hair that’s brown highlighted in natural grays, and she’s tall and slender. Shannon is also one of the wisest, godliest women I have ever met. Whenever she talks, I want to soak up her words and etch them into my memory.

I spent time with her on her boat (Pacific Catalyst II) in October along with her husband and some friends and had many chances to seize upon her sagely wisdom. Shannon told me that she isn’t flirty and doesn’t use her feminine mystique to manipulate men. That’s how she’s earned respect in church circles, which largely remain a man’s world. The thing about Shannon is that she has no idea how dazzlingly beautiful she is.

I’ve noticed that a lot of truly beautiful people, ones who enchant me, don’t realize their true beauty. They just bounce through life like me, looking in the mirror, and singing the chorus to “Reflection” from Mulan. “Who is that girl I see, Staring straight back at me, When will my reflection show, Who I am inside” (see Mulan clip below).

I believe that all girls long to be beautiful. But even more they long to be beautiful on the inside and valued for their thoughts, gifts and talents. Yet a beautiful girl with amazing gifts and talents seems to get a leg up in the world of love and dating. Ordinary or even less-than-ideal girls only have personality to gauge the attention of the wandering male eye.

I wonder if I was really, really beautiful would I be married by now? Sometimes I think that what I perceive as my lack of physical beauty has held me back. Or that guys are just so repulsed by me they wouldn’t dare think of pursuing anything more than a friendship with me. I also ponder if I was a guy, then would I be married? Guys can be pretty unattractive and still hook up with a nice girl, who is usually easy on the eyes.

I’ve come to falsely believe the problem of my existence is that I’m not beautiful. True, beauty comes with its own problems. Beauty invites, and anything less than beautiful isn’t quite as inviting.

I know I should see myself as gorgeous because I was created in the image of God, but at the same time, it’s hard to think that way. It’s unnatural to women, I believe, because of the Fall. We lost the idea that we are beautiful and captivating. We don’t see that we are the image of God’s beauty, and in fact, we are often treated as being less than human by men throughout history and in some countries in the world today.

Besides, it’s not like Christian guys are any different. They all say they want a Proverbs 31 woman, yet many can’t even describe what a Proverbs 31 woman is in today’s culture. Yet Christian guys, committed Bible-reading Christian guys, still get goggly eyed over chicks in skimpy clothes. Not only do nice guys finish last, nice girls do, too. Maybe they could date each other.

I know that beauty is only skin deep and that character counts. I just need to let my inside shine out for all the world to see. I need to be a confident woman, a go-getter, full of enthusiasm, and content in my self-worth. That’s what guys want, I’m told, a chick who doesn’t care whether or not she’s a hottie, but one that is at peace with herself. That sounds really hard.

Still, I wish I could stop a guy dead in his tracks with one look. I wish I could get a guy across the room to buy me a Diet Coke. I wish I was what society generally accepts as “beautiful”, at least for one day.

Read follow-up post, “A Confident Woman”.

Here’s a clip of Mulan singing “Reflection” (vocals by Lea Salonga)

0 thoughts on “I Wish I Was Beautiful

  1. Lady, I’m six feet tall and weigh in excess of 250lbs, and I can get a guy across the room to buy me a Diet Coke. Just have a little confidence and a whole lot of cheek, and stop obsessing about what other people think you look like. I guarantee they aren’t thinking what you think they’re thinking.

    Most of them are busy thinking about their mortgage, the stain on their knee, or whether their little sister’s going to make it through college.

  2. Lady, I’m six feet tall and weigh in excess of 250lbs, and I can get a guy across the room to buy me a Diet Coke. Just have a little confidence and a whole lot of cheek, and stop obsessing about what other people think you look like. I guarantee they aren’t thinking what you think they’re thinking.

    Most of them are busy thinking about their mortgage, the stain on their knee, or whether their little sister’s going to make it through college.

  3. hey
    i’m a married bible reading christian guy. i had lots of female friends in college and you know what, after a few months, it wasn’t their looks that mattered. it’s weird. yes, i struggle not to look at little model types wearing next to nothing, but like a lot of my boys, i’ve learnt what really matters. the girl i married wasn’t the class traffic stopper.

    Great blog!

    Tsuro (www.tsuro.wordpress.com)

  4. hey
    i’m a married bible reading christian guy. i had lots of female friends in college and you know what, after a few months, it wasn’t their looks that mattered. it’s weird. yes, i struggle not to look at little model types wearing next to nothing, but like a lot of my boys, i’ve learnt what really matters. the girl i married wasn’t the class traffic stopper.

    Great blog!

    Tsuro (www.tsuro.wordpress.com)

  5. Amy! What woman hasn’t wondered these exact same things about herself – I know I have. Thank you for your honesty in saying the very thoughts that have struck me and my friends when we were in our teens and twenties and yes, even now that we are in our fifties and sixties. We women long to be found enchanting and dream the fantasies of how life could be if only. Be who you are and the wonderful enchanting, yes, enchanting person God has designed you to be in Him. You are beautiful!

  6. Amy! What woman hasn’t wondered these exact same things about herself – I know I have. Thank you for your honesty in saying the very thoughts that have struck me and my friends when we were in our teens and twenties and yes, even now that we are in our fifties and sixties. We women long to be found enchanting and dream the fantasies of how life could be if only. Be who you are and the wonderful enchanting, yes, enchanting person God has designed you to be in Him. You are beautiful!

  7. thanks for sharing your thoughts about this amy. i see such beauty in you and it grows whenever i see you and get to know more about you. of course it would be nice to get that from a guy and i hope this for you so much! it is true that all women struggle with this…remember captivating? oh but it is hard to believe at times…
    ❀ Mary

  8. thanks for sharing your thoughts about this amy. i see such beauty in you and it grows whenever i see you and get to know more about you. of course it would be nice to get that from a guy and i hope this for you so much! it is true that all women struggle with this…remember captivating? oh but it is hard to believe at times…
    ❀ Mary

  9. I spent about fourty minutes trying to figure out how I can translate my thoughts and views into a christian friendly nutshell without offending anyone. Screw it. Nobody wants to read that much, heres the short version.
    People are shallow, inconsiderate, self centered, ignorant bastard coated bastards with a creamy sweet bastard filling. And I mean that in the best way possible.
    Don’t worry about what an army of socialy acceptable robots are going to think about you, because the fact is most of them have never thought to form thier own opinions.
    Inner beauty is one thing you could call it, but what I see in the way you write can’t be described by such conventinal words. I wish I could derive a sentence that would let you know how special you are. Maybe even one so touching as to evoke tears, musings that lead to deeper self understanding, or at the least the very same beauty I felt when I read your blog.

    -Johnny
    (helixblade@gmail.com)

  10. I spent about fourty minutes trying to figure out how I can translate my thoughts and views into a christian friendly nutshell without offending anyone. Screw it. Nobody wants to read that much, heres the short version.
    People are shallow, inconsiderate, self centered, ignorant bastard coated bastards with a creamy sweet bastard filling. And I mean that in the best way possible.
    Don’t worry about what an army of socialy acceptable robots are going to think about you, because the fact is most of them have never thought to form thier own opinions.
    Inner beauty is one thing you could call it, but what I see in the way you write can’t be described by such conventinal words. I wish I could derive a sentence that would let you know how special you are. Maybe even one so touching as to evoke tears, musings that lead to deeper self understanding, or at the least the very same beauty I felt when I read your blog.

    -Johnny
    (helixblade@gmail.com)

  11. hey, listen here! so, im a 20 year old very attractive male with a less than averagely attractive soulmate lover. i could care less what she looked like. if people dont find you conventionally attractive then thats their problem…plus all those guys honking at girls on the side of the road are creepy and gross. thats what i like to call the rapist type. watch out for those! anyway, just be yourself and if people dont like that then f*** them. have a nice day!

  12. hey, listen here! so, im a 20 year old very attractive male with a less than averagely attractive soulmate lover. i could care less what she looked like. if people dont find you conventionally attractive then thats their problem…plus all those guys honking at girls on the side of the road are creepy and gross. thats what i like to call the rapist type. watch out for those! anyway, just be yourself and if people dont like that then f*** them. have a nice day!

  13. Heh. I like what Steve points out (jokingly). The pressure to perform monetarily for males is (while not as strong) roughly parallel to the pressure to perform aesthetically that society places on women. I personally have built up so much of my own personality on ideas of “being successful” that I hardly know who I am now that I’ve realized I will never achieve mainstream (or even indie) success. It’s like building your whole self-worth dependent on several key facets of your personality, and then realizing those facets don’t exist. Coming to terms with that has been difficult.

    So, you’re not beautiful. I’m not successful. What is there left to validate us? I’ve been slowly realizing that it is my own sense of moral and ethical self-worth that are the strongest supports I have. By attempting to be a good person, to always treat everyone with respect, I’ve finally found an area where I can be proud… though I am aware that I am still developing (and always will be) this morality.

    So, by empathic, kind, respectful. Forget being beautiful.

  14. Heh. I like what Steve points out (jokingly). The pressure to perform monetarily for males is (while not as strong) roughly parallel to the pressure to perform aesthetically that society places on women. I personally have built up so much of my own personality on ideas of “being successful” that I hardly know who I am now that I’ve realized I will never achieve mainstream (or even indie) success. It’s like building your whole self-worth dependent on several key facets of your personality, and then realizing those facets don’t exist. Coming to terms with that has been difficult.

    So, you’re not beautiful. I’m not successful. What is there left to validate us? I’ve been slowly realizing that it is my own sense of moral and ethical self-worth that are the strongest supports I have. By attempting to be a good person, to always treat everyone with respect, I’ve finally found an area where I can be proud… though I am aware that I am still developing (and always will be) this morality.

    So, by empathic, kind, respectful. Forget being beautiful.

  15. I just looked at a picture of you and uh….I really do think you are beautiful. Behind the words you write which are beautiful within themself, to think they come out of you with a great smile on your face makes you the prettiest girl around.

  16. I just looked at a picture of you and uh….I really do think you are beautiful. Behind the words you write which are beautiful within themself, to think they come out of you with a great smile on your face makes you the prettiest girl around.

  17. beauty is perception. sometimes u think someone is beautiful and other ppl think tht person is gross lookin.also, sometimes u think someone is ugly and when u spend more time wiht them, their personality draws u in and u change the way u see them. its weird, but it always happens to me.

  18. beauty is perception. sometimes u think someone is beautiful and other ppl think tht person is gross lookin.also, sometimes u think someone is ugly and when u spend more time wiht them, their personality draws u in and u change the way u see them. its weird, but it always happens to me.

  19. I love that you put so much emotion into this. It’s awesome that you summed up the way that I feel. After being in a relationship for 5 years I left him 2 days ago, am now single, with a 14 month old little boy and 100 lbs heavier. Remember that you fall in love with someone for their faults not their perfections. Because at the end of the day after you’ve screamed at them for 2 hours to take out the trash and you end up doing it, you can still fall asleep loving them.

    -Emily

  20. I love that you put so much emotion into this. It’s awesome that you summed up the way that I feel. After being in a relationship for 5 years I left him 2 days ago, am now single, with a 14 month old little boy and 100 lbs heavier. Remember that you fall in love with someone for their faults not their perfections. Because at the end of the day after you’ve screamed at them for 2 hours to take out the trash and you end up doing it, you can still fall asleep loving them.

    -Emily

  21. I just happen to accidentally come accross this and wanted to add my opinion as a guy. Beauty is more than skin deep a woman who is happy and confident will project a diffrent image than someone who is for lack of a better word EMO. Also your personality traits and hobbies and can magnify your appeal that in other situation might be a turn off. In other words if you dress artsy and have an eclectic hairstyle you have to be that type of person and it will just make you radiant with beauty. I guess what im trying to say is just be yourself and be happy with yourself and you will be fine.

  22. I just happen to accidentally come accross this and wanted to add my opinion as a guy. Beauty is more than skin deep a woman who is happy and confident will project a diffrent image than someone who is for lack of a better word EMO. Also your personality traits and hobbies and can magnify your appeal that in other situation might be a turn off. In other words if you dress artsy and have an eclectic hairstyle you have to be that type of person and it will just make you radiant with beauty. I guess what im trying to say is just be yourself and be happy with yourself and you will be fine.

  23. Hey, i just read this, and i gotta say – most people commenting are right about one thing – society (especially media) always focuses on physical beauty as a priority…

    but ya know, the truth is, it’s best to find someone that is accepting of you in every way possible. And luckily, you only need to find ONE significant other in the whole span of your life to be married to.

    I’m a guy, and i’ve never thought about myself as “handsome” or “cute” or “attractive looking” or what-not. I mean… I try to look normal for myself, and what i offer to a girl/woman is love and acceptance. I look for someone that is the same way – as long as she is loving and accepting for me… i just want someone that can see me for who i am…

    and the best part is… most of the people that are beautiful on the outside… well… they’re already made… that’s no fun…

    I don’t know if a lot of guys think this way also, but after having dated like 5 different girls of different level looks (ranges from hideous to absolutely gorgeous), cultures, personalities, and what-not… well… the girl that i still see when i close my eyes is the girl that told me she would love me and accept me for who i am, always.

    so what i’m trying to say is basically… i guess we can all get lonely and want that special someone… but it’s best to find someone that has potential, if you’re looking for beautiful. I’d like to think that… a person that is ugly would try her/his hardest to look good AFTER someone has shown an interest. I never really thought about my looks or personality until a girl actually was interested in me. and once she went out with me, i became far more attractive… i grew out my hair to look better… i dressed better… i drew stuff… and i even wrote a lot of poems for her!!! i bought her roses, chocolates, presents everytime i went on a date with her… basically… making myself better for her, because she’s shown an interest in me πŸ™‚

    so after all of that… i’d say… find the guy that has the most potential…

    the nerd/loser that you see in the back of the classroom… might one day be the most attractive guy you’ll be wanting to date…

    I was that nerd.
    not anymore πŸ™‚

  24. Hey, i just read this, and i gotta say – most people commenting are right about one thing – society (especially media) always focuses on physical beauty as a priority…

    but ya know, the truth is, it’s best to find someone that is accepting of you in every way possible. And luckily, you only need to find ONE significant other in the whole span of your life to be married to.

    I’m a guy, and i’ve never thought about myself as “handsome” or “cute” or “attractive looking” or what-not. I mean… I try to look normal for myself, and what i offer to a girl/woman is love and acceptance. I look for someone that is the same way – as long as she is loving and accepting for me… i just want someone that can see me for who i am…

    and the best part is… most of the people that are beautiful on the outside… well… they’re already made… that’s no fun…

    I don’t know if a lot of guys think this way also, but after having dated like 5 different girls of different level looks (ranges from hideous to absolutely gorgeous), cultures, personalities, and what-not… well… the girl that i still see when i close my eyes is the girl that told me she would love me and accept me for who i am, always.

    so what i’m trying to say is basically… i guess we can all get lonely and want that special someone… but it’s best to find someone that has potential, if you’re looking for beautiful. I’d like to think that… a person that is ugly would try her/his hardest to look good AFTER someone has shown an interest. I never really thought about my looks or personality until a girl actually was interested in me. and once she went out with me, i became far more attractive… i grew out my hair to look better… i dressed better… i drew stuff… and i even wrote a lot of poems for her!!! i bought her roses, chocolates, presents everytime i went on a date with her… basically… making myself better for her, because she’s shown an interest in me πŸ™‚

    so after all of that… i’d say… find the guy that has the most potential…

    the nerd/loser that you see in the back of the classroom… might one day be the most attractive guy you’ll be wanting to date…

    I was that nerd.
    not anymore πŸ™‚

  25. Don’t worry…I learned how to be “irresistible to guys”, so I don’t worry about not being beautiful anymore…hahaha…(you have to check out my March 16 post to get that!)

    Nerds in the back of the room are the best…I would never have made it through chemistry without ’em (seriously…I had NO CLUE what was going on!) But I didn’t really think of them as “nerds”…just as friends who were smarter than me.

    Now it’s sort of cool to be slightly nerdy, which I find attractive. Actually, I’m not nearly as judgmental as I think other people are, but then again, I’m starting to realize it’s not how others see me, but how I see me.

    Thanks for all your comments, everyone! I wanted to make a “vulnerable” post because I think we can all encourage each other, but at the same time, we all have that longing to be something else.

  26. Don’t worry…I learned how to be “irresistible to guys”, so I don’t worry about not being beautiful anymore…hahaha…(you have to check out my March 16 post to get that!)

    Nerds in the back of the room are the best…I would never have made it through chemistry without ’em (seriously…I had NO CLUE what was going on!) But I didn’t really think of them as “nerds”…just as friends who were smarter than me.

    Now it’s sort of cool to be slightly nerdy, which I find attractive. Actually, I’m not nearly as judgmental as I think other people are, but then again, I’m starting to realize it’s not how others see me, but how I see me.

    Thanks for all your comments, everyone! I wanted to make a “vulnerable” post because I think we can all encourage each other, but at the same time, we all have that longing to be something else.

  27. i just wanted to say that what you wrote here is exactly how i feel. i was 330 lbs. at the budding age of 16, standing at a mere 5’1. I was a candidate for gastric bypass. i decided to lose the weight and so i did, slow and steady over roughly 4 years i lost 210 lbs. i had always been told that i had a pretty face, and hear comments like “what a shame” it was that i was so big. this basically ruined my self esteem. i got conditioned to hearing these negative things about myself, so i subconciously started to believe i was repulsive. i never even looked at guys, because i knew deep down inside that 95% of men were repulsed by me. i was simply unhealthy and unhappy. but i certainly did nothing to deserve the cold stares and degrading laughter. whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. i thank all the motherf***ers (excuse the language) that did put me through that hellishness because they make me have a LT4BS (low-tolerance for bullshit). i simply will NOT let someone talk down to me, especially men. being 21 now i find myself looking at these young men i know with such disgust and disappointment. i can tell which of them would be the rude, shallow, insensitive type to harrass someone in the way i have been. i know this is somewhat unfair, and hypocritical only because i am making a snap judgement on them. but it’s not like i am going up to them and screaming, “well hey look at you. i bet you think you are quite a big deal, huh? well i think you are a f***ing absolute asshole.” yup. i can be a real bitch, and prrroud of it. i girl’s gotta know how to stand up for herself and take what’s rightfully hers. hey, if it’s a dog eat dog world we’re all a bunch of bitches i guess. so why not act like it?

    so now i am this “hottie” i guess, or so i am told, but it doesn’t mean much to me anymore. considering the changes my body has endured, i consider my body my shell. my soul is what counts. everyone should realize this. get in touch with your soul, your talents, your own personal private things you do for yourself and no one else. the trick is to make time for yourself.. one who stays true to themselves and makes themselves happy first will radiate this positive energy onto someone else. it is certainly not only looks that catches a man’s attention, let me tell you that. as a person style is an intersting factor in a person, one’s attitude, how you carry yourself. hang your head up high and it will show that you won’t settle and you aren’t worried about finding someone. hit the gym, do your thing, all you need is health (and wealth is nice too working girrlllsss!!). i am doing work for the MDA right now and am feeling great about life, with or without a guy– i don’t give a shit. there’s plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to find your pond. swim, swim little fishies, swim with your friends. =] i don’t know. that’s all. happy st. patricks day y’all.

  28. i just wanted to say that what you wrote here is exactly how i feel. i was 330 lbs. at the budding age of 16, standing at a mere 5’1. I was a candidate for gastric bypass. i decided to lose the weight and so i did, slow and steady over roughly 4 years i lost 210 lbs. i had always been told that i had a pretty face, and hear comments like “what a shame” it was that i was so big. this basically ruined my self esteem. i got conditioned to hearing these negative things about myself, so i subconciously started to believe i was repulsive. i never even looked at guys, because i knew deep down inside that 95% of men were repulsed by me. i was simply unhealthy and unhappy. but i certainly did nothing to deserve the cold stares and degrading laughter. whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. i thank all the motherf***ers (excuse the language) that did put me through that hellishness because they make me have a LT4BS (low-tolerance for bullshit). i simply will NOT let someone talk down to me, especially men. being 21 now i find myself looking at these young men i know with such disgust and disappointment. i can tell which of them would be the rude, shallow, insensitive type to harrass someone in the way i have been. i know this is somewhat unfair, and hypocritical only because i am making a snap judgement on them. but it’s not like i am going up to them and screaming, “well hey look at you. i bet you think you are quite a big deal, huh? well i think you are a f***ing absolute asshole.” yup. i can be a real bitch, and prrroud of it. i girl’s gotta know how to stand up for herself and take what’s rightfully hers. hey, if it’s a dog eat dog world we’re all a bunch of bitches i guess. so why not act like it?

    so now i am this “hottie” i guess, or so i am told, but it doesn’t mean much to me anymore. considering the changes my body has endured, i consider my body my shell. my soul is what counts. everyone should realize this. get in touch with your soul, your talents, your own personal private things you do for yourself and no one else. the trick is to make time for yourself.. one who stays true to themselves and makes themselves happy first will radiate this positive energy onto someone else. it is certainly not only looks that catches a man’s attention, let me tell you that. as a person style is an intersting factor in a person, one’s attitude, how you carry yourself. hang your head up high and it will show that you won’t settle and you aren’t worried about finding someone. hit the gym, do your thing, all you need is health (and wealth is nice too working girrlllsss!!). i am doing work for the MDA right now and am feeling great about life, with or without a guy– i don’t give a shit. there’s plenty of fish in the sea, you just need to find your pond. swim, swim little fishies, swim with your friends. =] i don’t know. that’s all. happy st. patricks day y’all.

  29. I also wish I was beautiful; gorgeous! ….but I guess not everyone can be pretty…I just wish I was in the “pretty” category.
    Almost everyone says thats its the inside that counts….then why does so much people care about outer looks?
    I think outer beauty does mean a lot. Everyone is attracted to a beautiful face and slim body.
    Would a guy marry a woman who wasn’t attracted in the least, or even have a ugly scar on her body????….I don’t think so

    Yea, I struggle a lot with my image, even though I try not to. I try to think that we’ll all get old and die at the end. But it keeps bothering me now; I;m young now and I also want to be beautiful….

  30. I also wish I was beautiful; gorgeous! ….but I guess not everyone can be pretty…I just wish I was in the “pretty” category.
    Almost everyone says thats its the inside that counts….then why does so much people care about outer looks?
    I think outer beauty does mean a lot. Everyone is attracted to a beautiful face and slim body.
    Would a guy marry a woman who wasn’t attracted in the least, or even have a ugly scar on her body????….I don’t think so

    Yea, I struggle a lot with my image, even though I try not to. I try to think that we’ll all get old and die at the end. But it keeps bothering me now; I;m young now and I also want to be beautiful….

  31. When i was reading you rblog, i remembered when i felt like that. I rhad really bad skin problems, and i tried my best to just hide away behind something. Half my life i wished i could be like my sister who is definitely the kind of girl that stops traffic. Everyday, i would just watch all the people passing by me, thinking about how much prettier they were than me. I never had self-confidence, and self-esteem wasn’t in my dictionary. But the most surprising thing happened. No, it wasn’t my fairy godmother (i wish) it was my mother. I was visiting and she came up to me and hugged me. Then she looked at me and said,” Well beauty still hasn’t come to you.” (nice mother huh?). Something happened which i can’t quite explain, but in the space of three seconds, i changed. I got angry at my mother. Who was she to tell me i wasn’t beautiful?! I stood up taller, and decided that no one would ever tell me that again. I experimented with different make-up. I got new skin treatments. But the thing that changed most, was that i started smiling. I talked, i stopped hiding myself. And it worked. I can’t say im gorgeous stop-traffic beautiful. But i can say that i found myself.And now, I’m engaged. ENGAGED!!! sorry, random outbursts have been happening a lot. SO, keep your chin up, and next time you look in the mirror smile, because that thing that stops traffic isn’t a skimpy skirt. It’s confidence. XOXO

  32. When i was reading you rblog, i remembered when i felt like that. I rhad really bad skin problems, and i tried my best to just hide away behind something. Half my life i wished i could be like my sister who is definitely the kind of girl that stops traffic. Everyday, i would just watch all the people passing by me, thinking about how much prettier they were than me. I never had self-confidence, and self-esteem wasn’t in my dictionary. But the most surprising thing happened. No, it wasn’t my fairy godmother (i wish) it was my mother. I was visiting and she came up to me and hugged me. Then she looked at me and said,” Well beauty still hasn’t come to you.” (nice mother huh?). Something happened which i can’t quite explain, but in the space of three seconds, i changed. I got angry at my mother. Who was she to tell me i wasn’t beautiful?! I stood up taller, and decided that no one would ever tell me that again. I experimented with different make-up. I got new skin treatments. But the thing that changed most, was that i started smiling. I talked, i stopped hiding myself. And it worked. I can’t say im gorgeous stop-traffic beautiful. But i can say that i found myself.And now, I’m engaged. ENGAGED!!! sorry, random outbursts have been happening a lot. SO, keep your chin up, and next time you look in the mirror smile, because that thing that stops traffic isn’t a skimpy skirt. It’s confidence. XOXO

  33. Amy,
    I agree that all girls long to be beautiful, and I will admit that I do as well, but you have to ask yourself WHO DEFINES BEAUTY? Who can say what is beautiful and what is not? What is beautiful to me may not be to the next. No one can tell you your not beautiful! You dont need to look like everyone else to be beautiful. Beleive me, you are beautiful, inside and out, and in order to be the girl that you’ve talked about, the one who stops traffic, you have to beleive that you are beautiful! Strutt your stuff, if you dont then no one will ever be able to see your inner beauty.

  34. Amy,
    I agree that all girls long to be beautiful, and I will admit that I do as well, but you have to ask yourself WHO DEFINES BEAUTY? Who can say what is beautiful and what is not? What is beautiful to me may not be to the next. No one can tell you your not beautiful! You dont need to look like everyone else to be beautiful. Beleive me, you are beautiful, inside and out, and in order to be the girl that you’ve talked about, the one who stops traffic, you have to beleive that you are beautiful! Strutt your stuff, if you dont then no one will ever be able to see your inner beauty.

  35. Amy,I truely believe that beauty comes from within. if people want to dwell on the outer layers only that they a shallow them selves.I know I was there when I was 21 by the time my first marriage ended and I remembered the teaching of my Dad and got involved in church I became a great believer of inner beauty,I finally got what Dad had said when I was a child.

  36. Amy,I truely believe that beauty comes from within. if people want to dwell on the outer layers only that they a shallow them selves.I know I was there when I was 21 by the time my first marriage ended and I remembered the teaching of my Dad and got involved in church I became a great believer of inner beauty,I finally got what Dad had said when I was a child.

  37. Hi Amy,
    I was google-ing ‘beautiful images’ and your image came up, i thought it was an awesome picture so I clicked on it and to my surprise I find your blog attched. I’m 16 yrs old and what you describe in your blog is everyday life for me. I get up in the morning and it always affects my day. What other people think. For some reason I’ve devoted myself to other peoples opinions, believing that what they’ve got to say is smarter or better than what I think. And the worst thing is, is that I do it subconciously, which sucks cause I do it alot without thinking. But you know what I’ve found, out of this horrible situation? I found that you can’t look to others and their opinions to make you feel better as a person. You can’t change anyone or their opinions on how you look and what is beautiful. It’s pretty easy for people to say, real beauty comes from the inside and when you allow yourself to shine, you’ll give other people permission to shine. But it’s pretty hard to allow yourself to shine, with all these opinions around you juxtaposing eachother. I hope one day that I will be able to hold my head up and realise how much potential that my family and some of my friends see in me, and I thankyou for writing this blog, without your picture on google, I might’ve gone on thinking that I was alone in how I feel. I wish you all the happiness and laughter and self respect in the world. You deserve it.

  38. Hi Amy,
    I was google-ing ‘beautiful images’ and your image came up, i thought it was an awesome picture so I clicked on it and to my surprise I find your blog attched. I’m 16 yrs old and what you describe in your blog is everyday life for me. I get up in the morning and it always affects my day. What other people think. For some reason I’ve devoted myself to other peoples opinions, believing that what they’ve got to say is smarter or better than what I think. And the worst thing is, is that I do it subconciously, which sucks cause I do it alot without thinking. But you know what I’ve found, out of this horrible situation? I found that you can’t look to others and their opinions to make you feel better as a person. You can’t change anyone or their opinions on how you look and what is beautiful. It’s pretty easy for people to say, real beauty comes from the inside and when you allow yourself to shine, you’ll give other people permission to shine. But it’s pretty hard to allow yourself to shine, with all these opinions around you juxtaposing eachother. I hope one day that I will be able to hold my head up and realise how much potential that my family and some of my friends see in me, and I thankyou for writing this blog, without your picture on google, I might’ve gone on thinking that I was alone in how I feel. I wish you all the happiness and laughter and self respect in the world. You deserve it.

  39. I can’t put into words how much this posts means to me. It’s like you’re inside my head — this post seems as if you’ve just pin-pointed every superficial worry that’s been rampaging inside my head and confronted it in a way I’ve never seen anyone do.

    Being a Christian girl myself, all I’ve heard my whole life is “beauty is on the inside.” I’ve been left thinking “well a fat lot of good my inner beauty’ll do me when I want to catch the eye of that stud across the room.” The fact that you’re willing to admit to your own wishes and analyze them is an amazing blessing to me at this point in my life. I don’t feel so confused and alone anymore, because now I have proof that another living, breathing, red-blooded female has felt the very same things I’m going through. The relief of that epiphany is absolutely . . . beautiful. πŸ™‚

    Before this comment turns into a full-on sappy, melodramtic ramble, I just want to say thank you: you’ve truly made my day.

  40. I can’t put into words how much this posts means to me. It’s like you’re inside my head — this post seems as if you’ve just pin-pointed every superficial worry that’s been rampaging inside my head and confronted it in a way I’ve never seen anyone do.

    Being a Christian girl myself, all I’ve heard my whole life is “beauty is on the inside.” I’ve been left thinking “well a fat lot of good my inner beauty’ll do me when I want to catch the eye of that stud across the room.” The fact that you’re willing to admit to your own wishes and analyze them is an amazing blessing to me at this point in my life. I don’t feel so confused and alone anymore, because now I have proof that another living, breathing, red-blooded female has felt the very same things I’m going through. The relief of that epiphany is absolutely . . . beautiful. πŸ™‚

    Before this comment turns into a full-on sappy, melodramtic ramble, I just want to say thank you: you’ve truly made my day.

  41. This is all I have to say:

    PS: I found this site by going to google.com, searching “beautiful” and clicking on images. Your picture was the first one, so Google must think youre beautiful….:)

  42. This is all I have to say:

    PS: I found this site by going to google.com, searching “beautiful” and clicking on images. Your picture was the first one, so Google must think youre beautiful….:)

  43. Thank you for this beautiful post. I struggle with such feelings everyday. I dont know when I stopped thinking of myself as beautiful but I wish with all my heart that I wake up one day and rejoice in how I look, and that for once, just once, someone likes the way I look. My best friend is gorgeous, always seems to find love, and people are still always trying to set her up with someone (Oh, i Have the perfect person for you!). Meanwhile I’m right there, and I never seem to inspire anyone to notice me, or ask me out, or even try and set me up with someone. It’s such a struggle to not give in to envy or resentment against those who never notice.. 😦 I do try, and hopefully one day I will wake up and find someone who cares, to whom i AM beautiful.

  44. Thank you for this beautiful post. I struggle with such feelings everyday. I dont know when I stopped thinking of myself as beautiful but I wish with all my heart that I wake up one day and rejoice in how I look, and that for once, just once, someone likes the way I look. My best friend is gorgeous, always seems to find love, and people are still always trying to set her up with someone (Oh, i Have the perfect person for you!). Meanwhile I’m right there, and I never seem to inspire anyone to notice me, or ask me out, or even try and set me up with someone. It’s such a struggle to not give in to envy or resentment against those who never notice.. 😦 I do try, and hopefully one day I will wake up and find someone who cares, to whom i AM beautiful.

  45. Hello there, this is a little late, but I somehow stumbled upon this page. You are beautiful, and the thing that makes you even more beautiful, atleast to me, is that you don’t know it. Just like the woman you were talking about earlier, you’re one of those people who just doesn’t realize it. I wish I could find someone like you, for not only are you beautiful on the outside, but I can tell from your lovely words that you’re a beautiful on the inside as well.

    PS : In my opinion, it’s the blind who are truly blessed.

  46. Hello there, this is a little late, but I somehow stumbled upon this page. You are beautiful, and the thing that makes you even more beautiful, atleast to me, is that you don’t know it. Just like the woman you were talking about earlier, you’re one of those people who just doesn’t realize it. I wish I could find someone like you, for not only are you beautiful on the outside, but I can tell from your lovely words that you’re a beautiful on the inside as well.

    PS : In my opinion, it’s the blind who are truly blessed.

  47. this brought tears to my eyes

    i know exactly how you feel, and it sucks because with a dream you keep giving yourself hope on something impossible, only to further break you down later

    imagine how you would look like as an angel, when all your little imperfections become your shining traits… but its not all imaginary, you sound like youre halfway there already

  48. this brought tears to my eyes

    i know exactly how you feel, and it sucks because with a dream you keep giving yourself hope on something impossible, only to further break you down later

    imagine how you would look like as an angel, when all your little imperfections become your shining traits… but its not all imaginary, you sound like youre halfway there already

  49. Perhaps, you are one of these beautiful women who don’t realize their own beauty. I’d certainly not be the one to contest such an idea.

  50. Perhaps, you are one of these beautiful women who don’t realize their own beauty. I’d certainly not be the one to contest such an idea.

  51. Amy,

    I just read your post today after reading an abridged version of Captivating and feeling a rather low self esteem about not being the “beauty” Staci and John Elderidge seem to think a woman should be (inside and outside. I’m not perfect either way.) But I too would like to have a guy buy me a diet coke. But I’m hoping that God has someone in mind for me and it won’t be necessary for me to be who I’m not. A lot of people say inner beauty is a “woman at rest”, and that throws me off nearly as much as outer beauty. But than I question, why was the proverbs 31 woman so busy then? Unless you want to throw that out like Captivating did. But for me, I prefer it to the idea that I’m somehow suppose to be passive and peaceful. Anyhow, there are a lot of ideas about beauty out there. Helping the homeless, the disabled, the needy seems to me to be more beautiful than some of them.

  52. Amy,

    I just read your post today after reading an abridged version of Captivating and feeling a rather low self esteem about not being the “beauty” Staci and John Elderidge seem to think a woman should be (inside and outside. I’m not perfect either way.) But I too would like to have a guy buy me a diet coke. But I’m hoping that God has someone in mind for me and it won’t be necessary for me to be who I’m not. A lot of people say inner beauty is a “woman at rest”, and that throws me off nearly as much as outer beauty. But than I question, why was the proverbs 31 woman so busy then? Unless you want to throw that out like Captivating did. But for me, I prefer it to the idea that I’m somehow suppose to be passive and peaceful. Anyhow, there are a lot of ideas about beauty out there. Helping the homeless, the disabled, the needy seems to me to be more beautiful than some of them.

  53. Thanks for you comment, Nicole! I thought CAPTIVATING was an amazing book, but like you, I didn’t think it applied to me…at least not entirely. You might want to check out THE BAD GIRLS OF THE BIBLE books…those are pretty good.

    And, yes, I have never had a guy buy me a Diet Coke for helping the needy. But I have bought the needy a Diet Coke…that’s irony! πŸ™‚

  54. Thanks for you comment, Nicole! I thought CAPTIVATING was an amazing book, but like you, I didn’t think it applied to me…at least not entirely. You might want to check out THE BAD GIRLS OF THE BIBLE books…those are pretty good.

    And, yes, I have never had a guy buy me a Diet Coke for helping the needy. But I have bought the needy a Diet Coke…that’s irony! πŸ™‚

  55. Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.

    Hahaha.

    Or should i say beholder?

    Dont’ worry too much about looks. Honestly some of the hottest girls i know are the ones im least likely to date because of their superficial bad attitudes.

    I really do think that to some extent, beauty does come from within.

    Cheer up

  56. Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.

    Hahaha.

    Or should i say beholder?

    Dont’ worry too much about looks. Honestly some of the hottest girls i know are the ones im least likely to date because of their superficial bad attitudes.

    I really do think that to some extent, beauty does come from within.

    Cheer up

  57. You know, I should have been following up this thread more closely…I could play match maker for all of us women who don’t think we’re drop-dead gorgeous and all these guys who don’t care. *wink*

  58. You know, I should have been following up this thread more closely…I could play match maker for all of us women who don’t think we’re drop-dead gorgeous and all these guys who don’t care. *wink*

  59. Wow – what a breath of fresh air – honesty. And just to let you know from another guy, I’d much rather gaze upon a woman who’s been sitting at Jesus’ feet in His presence, than I would one who has physical beauty, but an ugly character. There’s just no comparison. Keep pressing into Him, my sister. He’ll give you more beauty than any man can handle.

  60. Wow – what a breath of fresh air – honesty. And just to let you know from another guy, I’d much rather gaze upon a woman who’s been sitting at Jesus’ feet in His presence, than I would one who has physical beauty, but an ugly character. There’s just no comparison. Keep pressing into Him, my sister. He’ll give you more beauty than any man can handle.

  61. I know it is super cliche…and we hear it all the time, but we aren’t living for the world as christians, we are living for the Lord. It seems, however, that we live with one foot a little in the world and one in the word. I have struggled with the same idea of beauty and accepting that I am beautiful the way I am, but a verse that I think about often is “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I peter 3:4. I guess I realized that in God’s sight it is my heart that matters, and if that is all that matters to him, that is all that should matter to me. I think it is one of those things that we read and we think “ok” but we don’t really let it rule our thoughts and the way we view ourselves. It is always one of my biggest prayers to find myself in Christ, because then, well…i have found myself, and I hope that my prayer can become your prayer πŸ™‚

  62. I know it is super cliche…and we hear it all the time, but we aren’t living for the world as christians, we are living for the Lord. It seems, however, that we live with one foot a little in the world and one in the word. I have struggled with the same idea of beauty and accepting that I am beautiful the way I am, but a verse that I think about often is “but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I peter 3:4. I guess I realized that in God’s sight it is my heart that matters, and if that is all that matters to him, that is all that should matter to me. I think it is one of those things that we read and we think “ok” but we don’t really let it rule our thoughts and the way we view ourselves. It is always one of my biggest prayers to find myself in Christ, because then, well…i have found myself, and I hope that my prayer can become your prayer πŸ™‚

  63. I must thank you for saying the words that flowed out of you. I feel exactly the same way so damn deeply that it’s ridiculous.

    I am a profoundly good person in a world where being good doesn’t count for f*ck. The society that we inhabit is cruel, cold, vindictive and completely unfair. The few individuals that would give their hand to a stranger are the ones that are put down consistantly. It seems like society’s goal is to ultimately break an individual until they conform into the rest of the assholes. The world that we live in is filled with tragedy and we are just here struggling to breathe and be found.

    I have always been best friends with men since I was little and I do understand them. However, I cannot seem to understand how a man can decide upon a tramp over a beautiful, intelligent woman. It’s sickening.

    Before this turns into a short novel – I must admit that I 23 years old and I had never been in love. I had been in relationships but love was never an emotion that I felt. Mostly due to me feeling underappreciated and the fact that I was unable to hold out an intelligent conversation with any of them. Recently, I have met a man that is my age and he is still a virgin. More astounding – he had never been kissed! He is just as intelligent as I am and from the first second that I met him – I felt like I was staring at a reflection of myself. I no longer desire anything else in the world, for this man makes me feel so beautiful and complete that I am still in awe.

    Please, keep faith and when you aren’t looking. . . someone will come along and take your breath away. They will make all of your dreams come true and you shall feel things that you had never thought you were able to experience. You shall feel complete.

  64. I must thank you for saying the words that flowed out of you. I feel exactly the same way so damn deeply that it’s ridiculous.

    I am a profoundly good person in a world where being good doesn’t count for f*ck. The society that we inhabit is cruel, cold, vindictive and completely unfair. The few individuals that would give their hand to a stranger are the ones that are put down consistantly. It seems like society’s goal is to ultimately break an individual until they conform into the rest of the assholes. The world that we live in is filled with tragedy and we are just here struggling to breathe and be found.

    I have always been best friends with men since I was little and I do understand them. However, I cannot seem to understand how a man can decide upon a tramp over a beautiful, intelligent woman. It’s sickening.

    Before this turns into a short novel – I must admit that I 23 years old and I had never been in love. I had been in relationships but love was never an emotion that I felt. Mostly due to me feeling underappreciated and the fact that I was unable to hold out an intelligent conversation with any of them. Recently, I have met a man that is my age and he is still a virgin. More astounding – he had never been kissed! He is just as intelligent as I am and from the first second that I met him – I felt like I was staring at a reflection of myself. I no longer desire anything else in the world, for this man makes me feel so beautiful and complete that I am still in awe.

    Please, keep faith and when you aren’t looking. . . someone will come along and take your breath away. They will make all of your dreams come true and you shall feel things that you had never thought you were able to experience. You shall feel complete.

  65. I totally understand this blog post. And I understand that sometimes, it can be really frustrating when people tell you, “Oh, just have more confidence, men love confidence!” or “It is inner beauty that counts!” or any of these kinds of things… Because while they are absolutely true, I know what it feels like to desperately want to be the delicate, slender, graceful beauty that we see here and there. How would my life be different? How would people see me? How would I see myself? Would I find a man to love me if I didn’t have such muscular arms, from doing stuff like Habitat for Humanity and work with the poor? What if I had prettier fingers, which weren’t dry and calloused from years of guitar playing? What if I were more soft-spoken and less opinionated? What if I were generally more delicate and “feminine” than I am?

    I don’t know. Maybe I would be romantically loved. But, this question is raised: Would I want to trade my feminine strength to be “prettier?” Perhaps if I were less “solid” and more ethereal, then men would be attracted to me. But at what cost?

  66. I totally understand this blog post. And I understand that sometimes, it can be really frustrating when people tell you, “Oh, just have more confidence, men love confidence!” or “It is inner beauty that counts!” or any of these kinds of things… Because while they are absolutely true, I know what it feels like to desperately want to be the delicate, slender, graceful beauty that we see here and there. How would my life be different? How would people see me? How would I see myself? Would I find a man to love me if I didn’t have such muscular arms, from doing stuff like Habitat for Humanity and work with the poor? What if I had prettier fingers, which weren’t dry and calloused from years of guitar playing? What if I were more soft-spoken and less opinionated? What if I were generally more delicate and “feminine” than I am?

    I don’t know. Maybe I would be romantically loved. But, this question is raised: Would I want to trade my feminine strength to be “prettier?” Perhaps if I were less “solid” and more ethereal, then men would be attracted to me. But at what cost?

  67. I totally love your post! I felt exactly the same way, particularly this part: ‘I wonder if I was really, really beautiful would I be married by now?’ .

    It sucks that beauty standards in our society are greatly influenced by mass media. And yes, I’ve read articles online about the correlation between beauty and happiness/success. Beautiful attractive people just seem to be more successful in terms of career and relationships.

    But imagine if every girl in this world was size 0, tall, and blonde–wouldn’t that be a little creepy? I mean, we need some variety, right? Variety of what exemplifies beauty. πŸ™‚

    Thank you very much for posting this. It’s simply liberating.

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